I always hate it when people start out with the phrase, "I hope you don't mind, but..."
It's pretty much guaranteed that I'm going to mind. It's also a done deal at this point, so why ask if I'm going to mind? The person is going to blather on no matter what, so dispense with the false pretenses.
For example, today I received a telephone call from a neighbor who discovered (gossip network at work) that I enjoy writing. Her call began with, "I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to ask you a few questions about getting published."
Um... Actually, I do mind. AACK! NOOOOO!
Undaunted by my silence, she nattered on with scores of basic questions about publishing a (romance) novel, most of which could have been answered by 15 minutes of GOOGLE searching. It took me 30 minutes to answer her questions and to encourage her to do some careful submission reasearch ON HER OWN before sending copies of her manuscript to 300 different publishers. If I had been thinking, I'd have billed her for 20 minutes of my time. Just like working as a freelance referencer or researcher.
Here are some other annoying starter phrases:
- "To make a long story short..." (Trust me. It won't be.)
- "Nobody asked me for my opinion, but..." (We didn't ask because we don't care.)
- "Personally, I think..." (See above.)
- "Just let me take a few minutes to..." (Um. NO!)
- "My doctor says that I have/should/can't..." (Too much information, thanks.)
Do you have any annoying starter phrases to add to the list?
4 comments:
How about...
"Back in MY day..." (When dinosaurs roamed the land?)
or
"Want to hear a joke?" (Nope.)
Yes, mine is: "As I said before," which really means, "Because you're an idiot, I now have to repeat myself and tell you once again that..."
Nothing sets me off more than that phrase!
On a related tangent, I also cannot tolerate people who ask to switch seats with me on the plane, as if I did not go online and specifically request that particular seat. The answer is no, no, never!
Ohhhh, I second TIL's "Wanna hear a joke?" That is really the number one offense out there, made worse when one is cornered behind a desk.
"Wanna hear a joke?" should mandate a high-voltage *ZAP* from a stun-gun. Several times. In the crotch area.
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