The Rule of Chaotic Convergence.

I have a theory. Not a hypothesis or conjecture. This is a 'principle offered to explain a series of facts' type of theory. I call it:


The Rule of Chaotic Convergence.



It's pretty simple. It states that: Everything Must Happen All At Once, At The Worst Possible Time, Producing The Maximum Amount Of Chaos.


(I also like to put it all in caps, just so it looks cool and official and annoying.)

Here are general examples of the theory.

For example...you will wait around all day for the UPS truck with your important delivery, but the truck won't arrive until you're in the bathroom conducting MAJOR business. And it will require a signature.

For example...nobody will call on the telephone all day until just around the crucial moment for your dinner preparations. Then you will get several calls at once (one being a long-distance overseas communication) and your dinner will begin to burn despite your attempts to pay attention to your simmering process. And if you have kids or pets, they will choose that moment to invade the kitchen screaming and yelling and demanding dinner.

This type of thing happens to me all the time. I am now convinced that something about my aura/spirit/chi/energy draws elements of chaos to me and they all reach a critical mass moment at the same time, thus creating
The Rule of Chaotic Convergence.

What is it about me? How do I adapt to this? Oh, by the way, when I walk past light poles at night, they blink off. Nobody else. Just me. Do you think I have some sort of electromagnetic problem? Maybe I'm a HERO! and I don't even know it... just call me 'Chaos Magneta'.

Suggestions from the peanut gallery?