I did something I SWORE I'd never do.
I bought a thong.
Normally, the prospect of wearing butt-floss doesn't appeal to me in any way whatsoever. I recently bought a super-fabulous dress and it is made of a material that does not permit any type of underwear lines. Think smoooooth. (Note: It does have a shelf-bra, since it has a halter top.) I love the dress and so I had to compromise my common sense. Hell is just a handbasket ride away for me, now!
Buying a thong ain't easy. It's kind of hard to judge size and fit just by looking at them. However, after sneakily skulking through the panties department at the PX (military exchange: shopping store), I finally found a 'demure' thong. Fine. I put it in my shopping cart along with several items: birthday cards, gifts, nail polish remover, and a DVD for Thing2, who was riding in the front of the shopping cart.
Off to the checkout.
At this point, I realized that it was close to lunch time and that means SHOPPING TIME for the Marines. Even though there are no food items in the PX, they manage to waste their lunch hours looking at XBox games, clothing, jewelery, and magazines. HOW DARE THEY SHOP IN A SHOPPING MALL? (*ha*) Here I am, with my EMBARRASSING ITEM, and I'm too shy to go pay for it.
I kind of cruised past the checkout stands until one lane was just about empty. Just one Jarhead paying with cash. I whipped in behind him and put out my not-so-naughty items on the checkout counter.
Then came the moment of truth. I reached down to grab the thong... and FOUR MARINES SHOWED UP BEHIND ME IN LINE! Of course, they're all checking out what I'm buying-- what else is there to do while waiting in line?
So, I'm freaking' out. I can't buy a THONG in front of four hot guys in uniform! So I scooped all my items up and launched them back into the cart, babbling to the checkout girl something about, "I forgot something..."
Meanwhile, Thing2 had considerately scooped my thong out of the cart and was cheerily waving it at the four Marines, who looked highly entertained.
Mortified, I snatched it back, attempted to collect my few remaining shreds of dignity, and marched stiff-backed to the shoe department--where I hid for 12 minutes.
Thongs alot, Thing2!
7 comments:
Just so all you readers know...I am carrying the handbasket that Infomatrix is riding to Hell!!
WooHoo!!
so that was YOU!!! at the PX...
just kidding.. even though i was over there 2 times today.
It happens to us all... i still get embarrassed picking up maxipads/tampons with guys hanging around the health/beauty section of wally world(walmart).
I once had a guy hitting on me when i went in that section... all i kept thinking was "get the hell away so i can get my pads and leave" lol
There's just something very private about picking out "unmentionables". I'm not sure if guys feel awkward about shopping for briefs (XCircMan? EvilJunglePrince? MonChiChi?), but I do. Oddly enough, I'll chuck a few bottles of KY into my cart with no problem, but the undies and the tampons are the DO NOT LOOK AT THESE ITEMS items for me!
There's nothing sexy about buying mens underwear, plus we usually buy them in multiple packages so they aren't near as obvious. Personally, I take mine home and tiedye them before I wear them but that's probably TOO MUCH INFORMATION.
It's just a good thing I didn't read this latest blog while at work because it made me laugh out loud.
My two favorite oxymorons of the day:
"demure thong"
"erotic drawers"
I don't get it!
If you have a dress or outfit that "needs" a thong to look good, why wear any underwear at all?? I like your comment Infomatrix about the "butt floss." I have tried forever to get my underwear OUT of my butt, I'm not going to put some there on purpose!!!
Besides, I always thought that men like it when we don't wear any....
I had actually considered going "COMMANDO" with this dress. For about two seconds. I have a deep-seated fear that just a soon as I go without panties for the evening, THAT would be the night I'd get hit by a bus and be filmed on the local news sprawled outa natural.
And yes, Beth, that was me at the PX, the one hiding in the shoe department with a deep red flush of humiliation on my face. HA!
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