Tick...Tick...Tick...

I will be the first to admit that I am not an outdoorswoman. I like to hike and to be outdoors--but at the end of the day, I want to be in a nice, soft bed with clean sheets. I also like my toilets indoors and with the flush option. I think I'm not alone in this. Most people don't mind being outdoors--they just don't like staying outdoors for long, extended periods.

My main problem with being outdoors would be the bug factor. For some reason, I am a mosquito-magnet. If I am standing outside with three other people wearing comperable clothing, the three get bit once or twice, I get bit 40 times. Why this is so, I don't know. Anyway, mosquitoes, flies, chiggers and ticks are nasty and horrible, and I DON'T LIKE THEM.

Moving from a dry, arid desert setting that is mostly bug-free to the bug mecca of the world has been a shock. If it crawls, we've got it here in NC. LOTS OF IT. I've been militant about making my family wear Avon Bug Guard Plus, which keeps most bugs off the skin by making the skin moist enough so that the bugs can't attach. Great for babies or little kids because there is no DEET in it. Up to now, the two ticks my son has gotten have been in places where we didn't put any bug guard. Up to now, he's been the only one who got ticked... UP TO NOW...

Our household full of guests finally left yesterday and I was exhausted. I could barely function. Still, I needed to go outside and supervise my son while he was playing with some older children, Ms. Lowe's sons. Wearing cropped pants and a t-shirt, I carelessly sat down on the back step and watched the boys play for 15 minutes. Then we called it a day. I didn't put any bug guard on because it was only 15 minutes, right?

Later that evening, I felt a *ping* on my butt, just above where the leg meets the glute. I didn't think much of it. What are a few *pings* at my age? I should have been more alert because when I got out of the shower this morning, I felt the *ping* again, looked back into the mirror to check and YES, horrified reader, it was a TICK! A TICK ON MY ASS!

Gross.

My first thought was to drop over dead. My second thought was Eeeeeeeeek! Get this off of me! Question: Do you know how hard it is to get a tick off your butt with tweezers when you can't directly SEE the affected area? Trust me. It's hard. The old 'back-up-to-the-mirror' trick is good for a quick look, but not for detailed operations. But I prevailed! After finally removing the foul beastie and doing a thorough body check for any more invaders, I was finally able to relax. My butt still hurts and I am anxiously watching for the bulls-eye sign of Lyme Disease. Paranoid? Maybe, but 3 people on my block have contracted Lymes in the past year.

So from now on, there will be no more sitting on the back stoop with my feet in the grass ('Cmon ticks, walk right up these legs to the breakfast butt-buffet!) and I will use the Bug Guard every time I go outside. I only need to be in "crisis mode" until October, when the first hard frosts of the season kill off all the crappy bugs. Maybe that's why Fall is my favorite season...