My in-laws left five days ago after self-inviting for a long weekend visit. My blood pressure is only now just beginning to drop down to normal levels. I've kvetched about them in previous entries, so I won't repeat my ongoing issues. Instead, I'll tell you our TERRIBLE SECRET.
SHHHHH. DON'T TELL...
Every year, my in-laws send/bring down a huge box that is supposed to be opened on the first night of Hanukkah and one gift doled out to each member of the family. This is supposed to continue for 8 nights.
Every year, just as the tail-lights of my in-laws' car fade off into the distance, we gleefully, sinfully, and willfully RIP INTO the Hanukkah box in a frenzy of distain for their strict orders!
DISCLAIMER: My husband is Jewish. I am Episcopalian. We observe both holidays. Our kids are holiday-spoiled and religiously tolerant. Yet, I digress. Back to the story...
The box is always the same amalgamation of SHIT from the dollar store. Thirty-two poopy gifts. (Seriously. If my mother-in-law just flushed $50 down the toilet, she'd be getting better value for her money.) I always get: too-small socks, note cards with fat babies or simpering faeries, several pot holders (usually with an off-shade Christmas color involved), "dangly" earrings -ick-, an overstock cookbook, and a candle that is 76% magnesium and made in China and likely to catch my house on fire. USMCMan always gets: too-big boxers, too-big t-shirts/undershirts, and a "manly" suitcase organizer item. Thing1/Thing2 always get: end-run/overstock children's books, Hanukkah Harry comic books (!), inappropriate stale candy, too-big clothing bought at the end of the season on sale for mere pennies, and beanie baby bears wearing yarmulkes. Always the bears with the yarmulkes.
Every year, the box is ripped open early. Every year we laugh and complain and immediately throw half of the stuff away and take the rest to the second-hand resale shop. And a good time is had by all.
Let it not be said that new traditions aren't being started in MY household! Hah!
Do you have any 'sneaky' holiday traditions? Share! Come on... share! Just don't tell my in-laws our sneaky little holiday secret.
Every year, my in-laws send/bring down a huge box that is supposed to be opened on the first night of Hanukkah and one gift doled out to each member of the family. This is supposed to continue for 8 nights.
Every year, just as the tail-lights of my in-laws' car fade off into the distance, we gleefully, sinfully, and willfully RIP INTO the Hanukkah box in a frenzy of distain for their strict orders!
DISCLAIMER: My husband is Jewish. I am Episcopalian. We observe both holidays. Our kids are holiday-spoiled and religiously tolerant. Yet, I digress. Back to the story...
The box is always the same amalgamation of SHIT from the dollar store. Thirty-two poopy gifts. (Seriously. If my mother-in-law just flushed $50 down the toilet, she'd be getting better value for her money.) I always get: too-small socks, note cards with fat babies or simpering faeries, several pot holders (usually with an off-shade Christmas color involved), "dangly" earrings -ick-, an overstock cookbook, and a candle that is 76% magnesium and made in China and likely to catch my house on fire. USMCMan always gets: too-big boxers, too-big t-shirts/undershirts, and a "manly" suitcase organizer item. Thing1/Thing2 always get: end-run/overstock children's books, Hanukkah Harry comic books (!), inappropriate stale candy, too-big clothing bought at the end of the season on sale for mere pennies, and beanie baby bears wearing yarmulkes. Always the bears with the yarmulkes.
Every year, the box is ripped open early. Every year we laugh and complain and immediately throw half of the stuff away and take the rest to the second-hand resale shop. And a good time is had by all.
Let it not be said that new traditions aren't being started in MY household! Hah!
Do you have any 'sneaky' holiday traditions? Share! Come on... share! Just don't tell my in-laws our sneaky little holiday secret.
4 comments:
Readers: I can attest to the fact that Infomatrix is NOT kidding about this. I have been witness to THE BOX for many years.
Infomatrix: I feel your pain, love. My equivalent is ArmyGuy's mom sending us the annual bag of "stocking stuffers." It usually consists primarily of trial-size toiletry items from the supermarket. I'm not sure how she got onto that trend, but it mystifies me anew each year.
In my family as kids we used to trade info about gifts we were going to get.
Newsflash! A follow-up Hanukkah box arrived with the following items: a 'shrug' in pepto-bismol pink for Thing2 (on deep discount because it is obviously smaller than the size marked and thus will NOT fit onto Thing2's shoulders), a Princess Leia crap-action figure from the '70s that was bought at a flea market (my mother-in-law is the QUEEN of flea markets) but is not worth anything because it is scuffed, and a box of past-date Ring-Dings. Mmmmm. Stale junk food. Gotta love it. (NOT!)
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