Ummm. I Don't Think So!

And now, a look into the minutia of military life...

I recently allowed myself to be "volunteered" for a position called a 'Key Volunteer' or KV. The job of a KV is to pass information to spouses/families within a military unit, in times of need, OR to provide community resource information to spouses/families. Since I am a reference librarian par excellance, I thought, "What the hell, how hard could it be?"

FAMOUS LAST WORDS...

Two items of note:
My husband's unit is NOT deployed. Most personnel are still stateside.
To the best of my knowledge, none of the spouses that fall under my area of responsibility are mentally retarded.

At noon yesterday, I get a call from USMCMan. "SargeantX'swifeisinthehospitalgettinggallbladdersurgeryandtheyneedinformationonwheretoputtheirkids." Obviously, USMCman was in a hurry. Indeed, he was moments away from attending a mandatory meeting when Sgt X called in a blither with the "My wife is in the hospital--need help."

OK. That's what I'm here for. So I explain that there is an emergency respite care for kids through on-base child care providers...blah...blah...blah. USMCman takes down the information and then says slyly, "Sgt. X was wondering when YOU were coming over to watch the kids."

WHAAAAT? Now USMCman knows darn well that the KV job does NOT entail babysitting. We're for information resources ONLY. Apparently, though, Sgt. X was fully expecting me to abandon MY two children in order to watch HIS three children. I don't think so. Trusting that USMCman would pass on the information, I happily hung up and went about my business, thinking I'd done my job and it was ALL OVER.

Nope.

I get a call later that evening from Mrs.Sgt.X. (During dinner, of course!) "I've postponed my gallbladder surgery to get a second opinion, but I'll still need you to babysit when I go in for the operation." Ummmmm. WHAAAT? What do I look like, Nanny911?

Politely, I informed her that a better option for her would be to arrange for childcare from friends or family because now that the surgery wasn't "an emergency" but a scheduled operation, she wouldn't qualify for respite care. Mrs.Sgt.X didn't like this! "I don't have any friends in the area," (I wonder why?) she snapped, "And my family is out of state!" So I mentioned the on-base hourly childcare that was available and she said she 'wasn't registered' for it. So I mentioned that NOW she probably had time to register her kids for this service and then make a planned reservation for her kids' visit--and this could be scheduled to correspond with her operation. HOW CONVENIENT!

Well, you'd THINK this would do the trick. But NOOOOO. She then asks again, "But I thought YOU would babysit my kids for me!"

Yeesh. Dear Readers, what do you say to the terminally stupid? I don't even know this woman and she's trying to pawn her spawn off on me! I tried to let her down easy. "I'm sorry, but my job as KV is to provide you with resources to services, not to BE your service."

Silence. She mulled it over.

"Well...could you mail me some literature about your services?"

Aaaaaaugh! It was like being back at the reference library desk, providing information to people who don't listen and who are too stupid or lazy to take responsibility for their own daily problems. FLASHBACK! DEJA VU! ACID REFLUX REDUX!

So, for those of you who are continuing to slog through the daily grind of reference work, you may rest easy in the thought that you will NEVER be obsolete. There are more than enough knuckleheads out there who need help. Trust me!