Torture! Oh, the humanity! I'm being forced to spend ONE WEEK with my in-laws. I feel faint... It's a good thing that The Illustrated Librarian supplied me with some chocolate for emergencies such as this. Thank you, TIL!
Being with my in-laws is oddly similar to several of the levels of Hell described in Dante's Inferno. I like to think of their house as the 8 1/2 th level of Hell. The place where daughter-in-law's go to suffer. In-between 'seducers' and 'flatterers' on the Chart of Hell.
There are many rules at THE HOUSE OF HELL. Allow me to elaborate:
- No garlic or popcorn of any type shall be allowed at THE HOUSE. The smell offends.
- All coffee shall be instant Yuban at THE HOUSE. Anyone wishing drinkable coffee must escape early in the morning and hike to the nearest grocery store/Starbuck's.
- All television sets must be turned up full blast while in use at THE HOUSE. Preferably turned to ESPN or ESPN2. Usually baseball. Never the White Sox.
- Do not read the newspaper at THE HOUSE. It must be kept pristine until read by father-in-law, who then immediately recycles it.
- Above all, agree with father-in-law on all topics, because he is a self-professed expert on all topics. Even if he doesn't know a thing about said topic. In other words, no intellectual discussions or disagreements at THE HOUSE.
Sigh. I don't know if I'll be able to email or blog during the next week, but I'll try. You all might be my lifeline to sanity! I feel like licking lead-based paint. (Where the HELL did I pack that chocolate?)
3 comments:
Poor Infomatrix!! I'm sorry you have to endure such torture. I remember how they were at YOUR house--I can't even imagine how they are at thier OWN house. Yeesh.
Just focus on our upcoming trip to Vegas. While USMCman's Dad is expounding on some topic he knows nothing about, just smile and nod and think Mystere, casinos and alcohol!!
Another alternative would be, go ahead and make popcorn, brew gourmemt coffee, and read the paper first thing in the morning--that's what THEY would do at your house--whatever they wanted!!
What's the worst that could happen--they wouldn't invite you back for a whole week again?? Yeah, that would be terrible!!
Thank goodness USMCman doesn't read your blog. I can't begin to think how he would react to your feelings for the in-laws. On the other hand you could be here with me in GTMO with the stupid rules, wierd food, little access to TV, phones or the internet. Wait a minute, the in-laws don't live in GTMO, do they?
As people get older, they lose the ability to be flexible. Let's just say that my father-in-law is plenty old and plenty inflexible! Thinking zen thoughts...
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