Oh, CRAP!

I like dogs. I have even owned several dogs in my life. I do NOT, however, like it when other peoples' dogs poop on my lawn. Who does?

With that said, allow me to introduce my new neighbors, 'Mr. and Ms. Lowe's' and the three 'Lowe's' kids. They moved in a few months ago and now have the following items in their yard: one huge wooden bench swing, five high-backed bench seats, five bird baths (one with a giant dolphin leaping out of it!), six tree flags, a flag pole with Old Glory and the USMC flag (full-sized), three table/umbrella/4-chair sets, four adirondack chairs, five hanging planters, solar-powered walkway lights, a christmas-tree type shrub with fairy lights, icky statues of little kids doing kid things, a toad home, a USMC giant garden stone, plants everywhere, and twelve tikki-torches. Oh yes, let's not forget the glass ball on a stick filled with oil and a wick. It is a VERY busy yard next-door. We keep wondering when the two-hundred guests are going to arrive for the garden party...but no one ever comes. I'm calling the Lowe's family because their yard strongly resembles the display area at Lowe's. And it gets bigger every day.

These neighbors are very nice and have two dogs. A large dog and a small dog. The large dog is in an appropriate grassy, penned-in area with a doghouse and all he needs to be comfortable. The little dog is always with Ms. Lowe's, in or out EXCEPT... in the mid-morning when Ms. Lowe's is doing her morning routine, she lets out Little Dog. Little Dog, being no fool, has decided that OUR lawn is the best place for poopin'. Why poop on your own lawn when you can crap up your neighbors'?

After catching the canine crapper in mid-pileage (several times) and picking up other steaming piles that I had not witnessed being deposited, I decided to bring this matter to Ms. Lowe's' attention. This was a big deal for me. I am not a confrontational person. If pressed, I will get into someone's face, but I prefer avoidance or seething about something rather than doing something about it. (One of my major weaknesses as a library manager.) It's the Virgo in me. We're just not f-u-feisty people. In this case, however, I realized that I needed to take action or I'd be scooping poop for the next three years of our life here. Cuz' you know and I know that once a dog gets a 'spot', they don't give it up without a fight. It was time to cut the crap and expose the little shit. (I love fecal puns, so sorry...)

Girding my loins--I broached the subject politely with Ms. Lowe's and she was suitably horrified. Her response, "Oh, she must love your green, green grass. Ours is all weeds." This is fairy-bullshit, because my grass isn't any different than hers is. Probably less green, in fact, because I don't do a damn thing to my lawn except cut it while she spends hours each day trimming, fertilizing, etc. She IS Ms. Lowe's, you know.

Hmmmm, I thought, and cheerily suggested that she put Little Dog out to poop in the pen where Big Dog spends his days. "Oh no!" she shrieked, aghast. "She just won't go there!" I'd bet that if faced with the choice of pooping in a back-yard pen or imploding, the dog would probably use the outdoor space with no problem, but I didn't want to suggest it. She said she would keep a close eye on Little Dog's outings from now on.

So now we wait. And watch. I'm just worried that after a few weeks of her promising to monitor the dog's potty time, things will slip and go back to the let-the-dog-out-to-poop-wherever routine. What should I do if this happens? Mention it again? I hate to sound anal, but I hate cleaning up dog shit and I hate stepping in it even more. Besides, where did Ms. Lowe's think Little Dog was pooping? Wasn't it a clue when there was no crap in the yard to pick up? Did she think Little Dog was using a porta-potty somewhere? Yeesh! Maybe I need a BB gun... The thing is, Little Dog is a nice dog--who has a bad habit.